To say I’ve had a lot going on these last several months is an understatement. We worked our booties off getting our house ready to sell and put it on the market while I was in my third trimester. It sold the same day we listed it, which left us scrambling to find a place before I gave birth. I ended up going into labor and having Wake just a few days before we were scheduled to close on both houses and move. So we were MOVING literally the day after we came home from the hospital with a three day old and a toddler. (That’s a whole separate blog post… you can’t even imagine my crazy.) Then, among the boxes and baby bottles, I found some clarity. I think I had been in the fog of the grind that I had no time to think and reflect. But as I was able to step back from work for my maternity leave, away from the rat race of meeting goals and deadlines - just trying to keep my head above water - I realized that I wasn’t happy. I saw that my passion and fire for what I did had changed to more of a burden and a responsibility. My job had become so much about the achieving numbers and trying to cover our overhead that it had lost what it really was supposed to be about for me: glorifying God. I loved getting up and not having to tell my toddler, “No baby, Mommy has to go work.” I loved not having to peel her away from me with screams and tears every day because all my sweet baby wanted was to be with me. In her early years, I was able to have more peace about my work before because I was following my calling, I was using my talents for His kingdom, and I was setting an example for her to do those things. But recently my job didn’t feel as much that way. Soon, I had to start back to work and my peace was gone. I fought tears every day as I had to turn my attention from my two little ones back to the numbers and the stress and the hustle. A voice in my head kept saying, “Is this what you want?” No, this was not what I wanted.
I didn’t know how I was going to tell Megan. I knew I didn’t want to stop working with S&G, but I wasn’t sure how to continue either. I didn’t want her to think I was jumping ship while she was about to enter this crazy season with twins. I had leaned on her during my maternity leave, so I would be there for her too as she needed to step away. Then she called me one afternoon and was crying. She talked about how the stress was too much and wasn’t worth it to her anymore. As she poured her heart out to me, I listened and understood because God had been speaking to me as well, saying that this kind of hustle was not working any longer. I lay in bed that night and didn’t sleep at all. Only when everyone else had gone to bed, I was able to think clearly and listen to God. I spent the whole night in prayer, and by morning, I knew without a doubt the path He was leading us down. And I am so excited to share it with y’all.
I look back at the last several months and wonder what I was doing? Running and running with no real reason or purpose. It physically pains my heart to think of the precious moments I missed. For what? For our bottom line. I woke up Monday morning after we had made the announcement with new eyes and a new fire. It’s sad and hard to close this chapter of what is familiar and comfortable for us, but God is calling us to be bold and step out even more for Him. He has laid the hearts of the hurting on our hearts, and we will follow His calling obediently through a focus on Give Grace. He has called us to slow down, enjoy our families and be Godly wives and mothers that can raise His children for Him. We will follow obediently and not look back.
THIS. This is a moment that goes by so fast. They are so tiny for such a little while - when my kisses can cure everything and my wrapped arms are all they need to be safe and warm. THIS is what it's truly all about. I don’t want to miss this. I don’t believe God wants me to miss this either. I'm so incredibly blessed to be able to do what I do and I am so thankful for your continued love and support.